Just to Get High
by SmurfyFriend
Summary: Lovingno has been acting very strange lately, and Antonio is determined to get to the bottom of it. but could what the nation is hiding tear them both apart? Spamono Songfic, contains yaoi, drug use, and implied violence. rated M just to be safe.


**Okay, this is my first Hetalia fanfiction, be gentle ^^; I know this probably sucks a lot, but it was fun, and didn't take too long to finish! :D**

**I love Spamono, one of my top 5 favorites! :D **

**But sadly, I could totally picture this happening to poor Romano... what with the whole brother inferiority complex, and all. XD**

**Hetalia characters are not mine. although I really wish they were TuT**

**Song is "Just to get High" by Nickelback**

* * *

"_**He was my best friend.**_

_**I tried to help him**_"

"Lovingno, what's up with you, bro?" I asked, casually concerned why he didn't show up for lunch like he'd promised. "I made your favorite, even picked the tomatoes from the garden."

"I wasn't hungry," he growled, muttering something in Italian under his breath, "Why don't you'a just leave'a me alone, you tomato loving bastard!?"

"Eh, eh, calm down, amigo." I stood from my seat, chuckling slightly at Lovingno's common sailor mouth. "I was just wondering… you haven't been yourself lately."

"Don't be worried about me." Lovingno growled harshly, turning his face away and opening up the icebox, "You don't have to be worried about me. I can worry about myself."

"Okay! Okay! I'll let it go," I replied, coming up from behind him and wrapping him in a close embrace, "You know, I'm allowed to be a little worried every now and then about my own boyfriend."

"I know…" Lovingno sighed in defeat, then tried to pry my hands and arms off his waist. "Now move'a your hands, Antonio, you big fat Tomato-Head! I can't get to the leftover pasta!"

I laughed, twisting slightly and cringing at an odd sensation when his hands made contact with mine.

"_**But he traded everything**_

_**For suffering **_

_**And found himself alone**_."

I paused for a moment, feeling what seemed to be warped bone where his usually delicate fingers ought to be. I slowly moved so I was in front of him, and turned his hands over in mine. "Lovingno…" I said softly, examining the melted-looking fingertips. "What is this?"

Lovingno couldn't meet eyes with me. "Those… the Mob bosses I work with…" he muttered, "They made me put my fingers in acid because I didn't stop a police raid on one of their hideouts…"

"That's not _your _fault…" I murmured, running my fingers over the healing scabs, "Why would they go after you?"

"I don't _KNOW_, Okay!?" his voice suddenly turned hostile, almost… _desperate_…

Sensing his hostility, I simply nodded, "Okay, Okay, you don't have to be mad with me, I was just wondering…" I looked up at his face for what seemed like the first time today… only to notice how chapped his lips were. "You should really get chapstick or something for that," I commented, gesturing to his chapped lips. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Don't you ever get tired of asking dumb questions?" Lovingno rolled his eyes, "I swear, Antonio…"

"I watched the lying turn in to hiding

With scars on both his lips

His fingertips were melted to the bone"

"I know." I planted a little kiss on his cheek, "I just worry about you."

Lovingno averted his eyes and almost squirmed out of my grip, putting the pasta container in his hands back in the refrigerator. He pulled on a jacket that was hanging on the peg in the kitchen, and started out towards the door. "Leaving so soon?" I asked, "You just got home."

"I forgot, I have to meet my idiot brother and his Axis friends downtown for drinks." He mumbled, "I'll be back late… don't bother waiting up…"

"Okay…" I muttered.

After I heard the click of the door, I got some of the leftovers from dinner and popped the containers in the microwave, tapping a few buttons and turning the machine on. A glance at the counter, and I realized my lover would have a hard time calling me if he needed a ride home: his cell phone was left right on the counter. Sighing slightly, I pick up the house phone and dial the cell number of Lovingno's lovable twin, Feliciano. Three rings passed, and the enchanting airhead of an Italian is on the line. "Ciao~!" his high-pitched, yet at the same time musical chattery voice rang.

"Hola, Feli?" I said casually, "Listen, I won't keep you guys long, Would you just let Lovi know he forgot his cell phone in case he needs something?"

There was a small, confused silence on the other end of the phone. "Ve?~ Antonio?" Feliciano's airy voice sounded confused, "What are you talking about? Why would I be in close proximity of mio fratello?"

Realization sank in my chest. "But… He said he was going downtown with you and the other guys on the Axis team…?"

On the other line, Feliciano only seemed more confused. "We're not going out tonight at all," Feliciano sounded concerned, "It's just me and Luddy at he house tonight, too…"

_Why would he lie to me about that…?_ Without knowing quite why, I picked up my jacket. "I'm going out to look for him." I said plainly, "Something's not right with him… and I'm going to find out what."

Feliciano muttered in agreement about something being odd about his fratello recently, and hung up, hearing Ludwig calling about pasta, and smoke alarms, and a various flurry of activity.

I searched the downtown area for him, concerned that the mob had gotten to him before I did, or that he was being mugged, or blackmailed, or kidnapped- Nations have quite a price tag attached to them- or worse… that he was dead, or having an affair… I pushed those thoughts out of my mind, still wondering why he'd lied to me about where he was going… he sure seemed to be acting strange lately… For the past couple of weeks he'd been coming home late… he'd just tell me his boss kept him late talking about plans, or that he'd been out drinking with his brother…. which, looking back on it, was strange in and of itself that he could stand drinking with his brother for a long enough period of time- Lovingno usually can't _STAND _Feliciano. He's much too happy and carefree for his taste.

I turned into an alley, in the deeper, danker side of town, and leaned back against the wall, heaving a heavy sigh. I'd never find him without his cell… he knew these city streets much better than I did… Seeing as this _WAS_ his country… "_A…. Antonio_….?" I heard a weak sounding voice from a few feet away.

"_**But I can still remember  
What his face looked like  
When I found him in an alley  
In the middle of the night**_"

His eyes looked ringed with red, his skin was pale, not that lovely olive Mediterranean tone it always had been. He had a rubber tourniquet tied around his upper arm, his sleeve rolled up just past it. his veins were bulging slightly in the inside of his elbow. His other hand was shaking, holding a syringe that had once been loaded with something I couldn't identify at first. "L-Lovingno?" I stuttered.

I couldn't identify him as the man that was my best friend… The young man I knew since he was just my servant… the man I _LOVED_… "L-Lovi, what're you doing?!" I almost demanded, bending down, prying the syringe out of his hand, "Shooting drugs… what are you _THINKING_!?"

"_**Tell me what you know **_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**."_

Lovingno stared up at me in sort of a drugged daze. Almost like he was studying the brick wall behind me, like I wasn't even there.

"_**Tell me what you know, **_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**_"

I untied the tourniquet, and jabbed the needle of the syringe against the ground to break it, then threw it at a dumpster about ten feet away. I put my hands on his cheeks. "Lovi, look at me!" I said, feeling tears in the back of my throat. "Lovi, _PLEASE_…"

"_**A gun would do the trick, get it over with**_

_**You're better off to take out all **_

_**That you've got, burn it on the spot**_"

Lovingno kept that euphoric daze, serious, but at the same time, confused. "Why… why are you crying, you Tomato-head?"

"_**Just to get high**__."_

Nearly three months had passed since I found out about Lovingno's addiction. I had told Feliciano about it that same night when I brought Lovingno home. I'd been trying everything to get Lovingno to quit. But to no avail… his already generally foul mood soured even greater, making mood swings that were once manageable to violent and unpredictable. And a lot of the time it was nearly impossible to find him. It came to the point I put a GPS in his phone, as well as on the button of the coat he always wore. For the most part, though, he came back to the house after he'd gotten his high. One morning, when I had just woken up, I heard noises from the kitchen. I dragged myself out of the bed and down to the kitchen, finding Lovingno cooking some sort of an omelet or something. "Finally going to eat something, amigo?" I asked, intentional passive-aggression in my tone.

"_**Three days no sleeping**_."

"No." he replied curtly, then taking the pan and tossing the contents in the garbage. "I changed my mind, I'm not hungry anymore."

He turned around, making my stomach lurch slightly. The vision of beauty he had once been was now nothing more than a memory. His hair had lightened significantly. Even his stray curl had lost some of its luster and bounce. His skin was deathly pale, his lips and teeth looking like that poster in the dentists office dentists use to scare kids into brushing their teeth. He'd lost so much weight… when he changed around me I could count his ribs, and vertebrae too. "Were you up all night?" I asked softly, already knowing the answer."

He just nodded, "Three days now." He mumbled.

"_**He gave up eating**_."

He grabbed his jacket and started towards the door. "I'm going to work… I'll be late tonight. The Potato-Bastard asked me over for beer and a lecture… See you later..."

"Okay…" I mumbled. "Be safe…"

I didn't hear a reply as the door closed. Without giving it much thought, I picked up the phone. I dialed Feliciano and waited. Three rings rang before he finally picked up. "Ciao…?" his voice was dull, lifeless. Then again, I probably just woke him up.

"Hola, Feli, It's Antonio."

"Oh, Ve~ Hello Antonio." His voice was still a little muffled. "What's the matter? Is it fratello again?"

"I guess…" I muttered, "Mind if I come over? I need to talk to someone, and you and Ludwig are the only ones that know about this."

"Si! Si! Of course you can." Feliciano made a small noise like a yawn, "I'll make some pasta for brunch, come over any time!"

I thanked Feliciano and hung up the landline, then went back upstairs to get dressed. Once I was dressed in my favorite jeans and a button-up shirt, I went outside to the car and started the half-hour drive to Ludwig and Feliciano's residence on the edge of Italy's border. Once I had made it there, I parked in the driveway in front of a large garage, and walked up to the front door. I used the large knocker, and stepped back to wait for my friend. Soon there was a small click, and the door opened, revealing Feliciano. His smile was less than it was in the past, it looked tired and sad, like it took all his effort just to keep it, like it would fall apart at any moment. "Ciao, Toni~" he said with that tired smile, "Come in, I just finished the pasta!"

I walked into the house casually, comforted by the familiarity of the gentle colors and the view of the city through the bay windows. "What did you come to talk to me about, amico?" Feliciano got two plates from a cupboard and put them down on the table.

"Lovingno." I said plainly. "He's not getting better, Feliciano. Not on his own."

Feliciano paused from stirring a red sauce he had bubbling on the stovetop. "I think that we need to have an intervention, and _soon_… before he gets any worse, or hurts somebody." I said, watching Lovingno's twin stir the food and sauces sadly.

Feliciano turned to me with this almost relieved looking smile on his face. "Good. Because he thinks so too." He said, "He came over the other day, and he was asking for money to get into this rehab over in America… but he said it was expensive to get into, and he didn't want to bother you for more money." Italy spooned some pasta on both of our plates and used a ladle to drizzle sauce and vegetables of some sort over it. "so I gave him a couple of rings I had in my old box…"

"_**He sold his mother's rings**_"

I looked up at Feliciano, seeing the sadness on his face. "Feli, he's not using it to get help…" I said, understanding now, "He's just using it to get more drugs… you should've told me this sooner!"

"_**She said nothing.**_"

The small-framed man cringed slightly and lowered his head to his hands. "I… I gave him Grandpa Rome's rings…" he whimpered, sounding close to tears. "I gave him the _last things_ I had of Grandpa Rome so he could get help… and he sells them for drugs…" sobs were eminent in his words. "_Grande Fratello__, __perché fai__queste cose__terribili__a noi_?"

Before I could make a move to comfort him, I heard the intimdating voice of his older lover, "Feliciano, have you seen my gold cufflinks? I left them on the counter earlier, I need zem for vork." The daunting German appeared in the doorway connecting the kitchen to the hallway, dressed in his dark green slacks and a white button- up shirt half unbuttoned, a black tank top underneath covering his well-defined abdomen, the cuffs of his shirt undone.

Feliciano shook his head, not lifting them from his hands. "I haven't seen them..." he said softly.

Almost instinctively, the German moved around the island in the center of the kitchen and wrapped his arms around the weeping Italian. "Hey..." Ludwig spoke softly, almost as if he were speaking to a small child. "We'll find a way to get them back... _I promise_."

Feliciano simply uttered a sob, and clung to Ludwig, hiding his face. "_I miss mio__fratello maggiore, Luddy..._"

"_**And pretended not to know**_"

I politely finished the meal Feliciano had cooked for me, and took the drive back home. I expected to come home from an empty house, however, when I got home, I saw Lovingno's car in the driveway. I unlocked the door, walked inside, and saw him at the kitchen table, brooding over something on the table top. I walked to where he was. "Those are Ludwig's Iron Cross cufflinks!" I exclaimed unbelievably. "Where did you get those?!"

"_**He started stealing to supply the feeling**_."

"I took'a them from the bastard's desk when he wasn't looking the other day," Lovingno grumbled, "don't tell anyone."

"Lovi, this has to stop!" I said firmly, "Going out, getting high every night... missing work... stealing from your 'brother-in-law'... lying to your own _BROTHER_... This has to stop!"

"You're not the boss of me!" he replied defiantly, throwing a fist down at the table, making the cufflinks almost jump upon impact.

"But I _CARE_ about you! I _CARE_ that you're ruining yourself with this!" I yelled right back at him, "_PLEASE_, mi amor! We want you to get help! We're all worried about you!"

"_**LEAVE ME ALONE**_!" Lovingno screeched, covering his ears, kicking his feet angrily, storming out towards the entryway again. "_**TOMATO BASTARD! LEAVE ME ALONE!**_"

I started towards the door, but the slam of the screen outside and the squeal of rubber let me know I was a little too late. I sighed, and took the cufflinks from the table, putting them in my pocket to give to Ludwig later. Something else I hadn't noticed before caught my eye... a ring. A gold ring with some Italian engravings on it. "That must be one of Feli's Grandpa Rome's rings!" I exclaimed out loud, immediately grabbing the ring from the table and putting it too in my pocket.

I realized right then and there that I had to take responsibility for my lover. I grabbed the yellowbook from the shelf and started flipping pages, searching for a rehab. I was a few hours into my search when the phone rang. I picked up the landline. "Hola?"

"Hey, Tomato-head..." Lovingno sounded grouchy, impatient. "I'm in jail... come bail me out?"

I sighed slightly and got my coat. "What the hell did you _DO,_ Amigo!?"

The line was very silent for a moment. "I... I tried to get money from Rodrich and Elizaveta." He said plainly. "I'm out of time, please come get me..."

The line went dead, and I hung up the phone. "Damnit, Lovi..." I muttered, getting into my car and driving to the local police department.

"_**Found out he pulled a knife on someone's wife **_

_**And held it to her throat**_."

When I went inside, I saw Elizaveta sobbing hysterically, being comforted by Roderich, her lover. Roderich shot me an intense glare from where he sat. "Ze bastard should not be out and about in ze world." He growled to me. "Someone who attacks a voman... he should be locked away for good!"

"It's not his fault," I found myself defending him, "If he wasn't using he never would have done this... I'm sorry!"

Roderich glared at me with that angry, challenging glare. "Just keep that _ANIMAL_ away from my wife." He spat, accentuating the word 'animal.'

I nodded, and proceeded to pay the bail to get Lovingno released. He came out from the holding area grumbling, looking anxious and antsy. "What took'a you so long?!" he almost shouted, sounding more desperate than angry.

"Sorry, it took awhile for me to get the money for your bail." I glared at him, "Pulling a _KNIFE_ on Elizaveta... Lovi, you could go to _PRISON_ for that!"

"If she'd just given me the money, I _WOULDN'TVE_!" he muttered loudly, covering his ears, trying to block me out.

I paused for a moment, and sighed. "Come on, we're going home." I grabbed him by the arm and started to lead him back to the car.

I helped him into the passenger seat, then sat down in the driver's seat, breathing a deep sigh and resting my forehead against the steering wheel. Memories of the night this all began for me swam in my head.

"_**But I can still remember what his face looked like **_

_**When I found him in an alley in the middle of the night**_"

I drove him back to the house, and started looking around the house. "Where is it, Lovi?"

"_**Tell me what you know **_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**_"

"Where is what, Tomato-head?"

"_**Tell me what you know**_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**_"

"Your stash!" I started moving things around, stepping on the floor looking for a loose tile, "This ends _TONIGHT_!"

"_**A gun would do the trick**_"

"Antonio, _NO_!" he cried out, trying to grab me from behind as I kept moving things around, "_You can't_!"

"_**Get it over with**_"

"I _WILL_!" I shouted right back at him.

"_**You're better off to take all **_

_**That you got, burn it on the spot**_**."**

"_**PLEASE, TONI!"**_ Lovingno's voice was laced with desperation, "I can't quit, it'll kill me!"

"_**Just to get high**_."

"It'll kill me if you _DON'T_ quit!" I yelled right back at him, "Let me go, _NOW_!"

"_**Tell me what you did, where you got it hid**_"

"_**SHOW ME WHERE IT IS!**_" I demanded.

"_**NO**_!" he screamed, and desperately lunged for an old pistol that had once been displayed on the mantle because it was important to Lovingno during the War.

"_**Show me it's what you really want, watching what you got **_

_**Slowly, circling the drain, throw it all away**_"

"_Don't do it, Lovingno_!" I shouted, using my foot to put distance between us, "this isn't you! _**STOP THIS**_!"

"_**SHUT UP**_!" he screamed, pointing the gun in my direction, tears of fear and anxiety streaming from his wide and wild eyes. "I-I'll do it! Y-you think that I won't, but I will!"

"_**Just to get high, high, high, oh**_"

I carefully moved around the debris of the room, until I was only about three feet away from Lovingno. "Lovi..." I said softly, "This isn't you... please... just stop this..."

"Sh-shut up, Tomato-head!" he said, tears in his voice, as he pulled the trigger, firing the apparently empty gun.

Realizing that the gun was not loaded, I reached out and grabbed it by the muzzle, twisting it and pointing it down. Not knowing why, I wrapped him in my arms, letting him sob on my chest.

"_**Tell me what you know.**_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**_"

"Th-the picture..." he whimpered, sounding nothing like the Lovingno I once loved.

"_**Tell me what you know**_

_**Tell me what you've gone and done now**_"

I stared at him, confused. "What picture?"

"_**A gun would do the trick**_"

Lovingno glanced at the picture hanging on the wall, next to the television. "All of it... it's behind that picture..." he murmured. "I... I don't want to give up ice... but I don't want to loose you..."

"_**Get it over with**_"

I moved out of the hug, and slowly towards the picture hanging on the wall.

"_**You're better off to **_

_**Take all that you got and burn it on the spot**_."

I felt my heart sink looking at it. It was a picture of me and him, the him before all this happened, gelattos in hand, clothed in bathing suits and enjoying the sandy beaches. His irritated look almost brought tears to my eyes as I glanced over at Lovingno's current state.

"_**Just to get high**_"

I moved the picture, finding a large, deep compartment behind it.

"_**Tell me what you did, where you got it hid**_"

Inside there was a lighter, a rubber tourniquet, a small thing that looked sort of like a bong, but much smaller, and a couple of syringes and needles in a small clear plastic box. In the very back of this secret compartment, there was a medium-sized bad of what looked like white powder.

"_**Show me it's what you really want, watching what you got**_

_**Slowly circling the drain, throw it all away**_."

"Is this all of it?" I asked softly.

Lovingno nodded. "_SWEAR_ on us?"

Lovinno nodded again.

"_**Just to get high**_"

Careful not to stick myself on anything, I reached into the back of the compartment and took the white package from the compartment. As I started to walk past Lovingno, he stared at me with wide, crazy eyes. "W-wait! W-what're you doing?!"

"I'm flushing it." I said plainly, grabbing a pair of scissors from the knife block in the kitchen, "_**ALL**_ of it."

"H-hold on, there's'a got'a be a better way to do this," he chased after me as I walked to the bathroom.

"No. _**ALL**_ of it's going. This ends _**TONIGHT**_." I said, opening up the bathroom door and walking to the toilet.

"_**Just to get high**_"

He tried to get to the baggie in my hands, but I fought him off, keeping him away from the substance that had driven my lover mad. I used the scissors to cut open the bag, and started to pour it into the waiting water. "_**NO!**_" Lovingno screamed, lunging over me to try to get to it.

"_**Circling the drain**_."

"It's for your own good, Lovi..." I murmrued, dropping the baggie and the remainder of its contents in the bowl, and pressing the flusher on the side.

"_**Throw it all away**_."

Lovingno watched and sobbed desperately as the substance circled the drain, and disappeared down the pipes. "It's over..." I breathed.

My cell phone rang a couple times. Feeling the adrenaline from moments previous starting to level off, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and answered my phone, flipping it open. "Hola?"

"Toni!~ Toni!~" I heard Feliciano's excited voice on the line, but his words started to all mesh together, so I did not understand the last lines of what he said.

"Slow down, a little, amigo." I said, "start from the beginning... what are you talking about?"

"I found a rehab that can help Lovingno!~" he almost sang, "It turns out Ludwig and Gilbert's cousin was addicted to heroin, and she went to this place up in Germany! It's not too expensive, either. And it's had really high success rates!" his voice became a bit more serious. "But... we still have to convince Lovingno to go... and get rid of his stash..."

"I already got rid of his stash..."I said, "Don't ask me how I did it, but I did... How bout I bring him over so we all can talk about it." I felt the items in my pocket. "And to deliver some items... and an apology."

"Ve!~ Alright then, hurry over!" he hung up the phone before I could say goodbye.

I glanced at Lovingno, who was still brooding over the toilet bowl. "Amor..." I said softly, nudging him with my foot. "Come on... there's someone who wants to see you..."

Looking very numb, he slowly stood, and walked to me. He rested his head on my chest, and gave me a kiss on the neck with those scarred lips. "You Tomato-head bastard..." he mumbled.

"I love you too."

"_**Just to get high**_."

* * *

Human names:

Lovingno: Romano

Antonio: Spain

Feliciano: Italy

Ludwig: Germany

Gilbert: Prussia (WHO IS AWESOME! XD)

Roderich: Austria

Elizaveta: Hungary


End file.
